Carlelle, another one of my cousins, must have seen from the look on my face what had happened, because when I got downstairs, she came right over and gave me a big hug.
“Hey there, Laurie Anne. You’re looking good.”
“Thank you. You look pretty sharp yourself.” Carlelle and her sisters could come up with the most elaborate systems of curls and twists for their hair that I had ever seen, and make it stay up no matter what the weather was like. “I’m glad that somebody wants to see me,” I said, glancing upstairs.
“Teenagers,” she said, shaking her head. “There’s nothing you can do with them other than wait for them to grow up.”
“If Ilene keeps acting like that,” I said, “she’s not going to get a chance to grow up.” Then I grinned, “Of course, I seem to remember that you, Idelle, and Odelle were pretty obnoxious at that age, too.”
Surprisingly, Carlelle stiffened at the mention of her sisters. “At least one of us grew out of it,” she said sharply.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Let’s just say that you can’t always trust people the way you think you can, even if they are your sisters.” She glared across the room to where Idelle was chatting with her mother, my Aunt Nellie, and then over to another corner where Odelle was talking to our cousin-in-law Sue. “You’d think that growing up with people would mean something, but when push comes to shove, it’s everybody for herself.”
I was so surprised you could have knocked me over with a feather. “You three aren’t fighting, are you?” I had never known the triplets to quarrel, not ever. Every other woman I know who has sisters has had at least short-lived feuds, but not these three. Sure, there had been tiffs over whose turn it was to set the table or who left the clothes in the washer, but nothing serious.
I realized that while the three of them still had the same hairstyle, Carlelle was wearing a dress with violet stripes, Idelle was wearing a peach blouse and white skirt, and Odelle was in slacks and a long tunic. I had never seen them dressed that way before. The three had worn matching outfits since they were babies.
“What’s the matter?” I said.
“I don’t want to go into it here, Laurie Anne. Let’s us get something to eat, and we’ll talk about it later.” Again she glanced darkly at her sisters. “I want to make sure that you hear the real story of what’s been going on around here.”
I was starting to feel like I was at the wrong shower. First Ilene acting as ill as a hornet, and now the triplets fighting. At least I was pretty sure that I could count on the food.
As usual, Vasti had done an excellent job of supervising the cooking. Carlelle and I picked up paper plates and quickly filled them with Aunt Edna’s ginger snaps, apple pie from Aunt Daphine, and tiny versions of the biscuits that are Aunt Nora’s specialty, filled with country ham. While I was getting a glass of punch, Odelle came over to say hello, and Carlelle pointedly went to the other end of the room.
“When did all this with your sisters happen?” I asked Odelle.
She sniffed. “I just recently noticed what kind of people I’ve been living with.”
“Odelle—”
“I don’t want to ruin Aunt Ruby Lee’s party, Laurie Anne. Let’s us get together while you’re in town and I’ll tell you the whole story. The real story.” She raised her eyebrows meaningfully, and went to get some pie.
Or maybe she was just trying to avoid Idelle, who gestured to me at that moment. I had a good idea of what it was she was going to say, but I went anyway.
“Idelle, what on Earth is going on with you three?”
Idelle shook her head sadly and said, “Laurie Anne, I never would have guessed that it would come to this. My own sisters turning on me the way they have.”
“What did they do?”
Again that mournful shake. “I just can’t talk about it right now.”
Before she could add what I knew was coming, I said, “Why don’t you call me later this week and you can tell me about it then? The real story.”
“I’ll just do that.” Then she headed for the refreshments, which meant that Odelle had to rush away, and Carlelle had to move off the couch to stay as far as possible from both of them. It was a good thing that Aunt Ruby Lee had such a big living room, or the three of them might have actually had to come within arm’s reach.
There was a snort from behind me. “If those three aren’t the silliest things I’ve ever seen.”
“Hi, Aunt Edna.” I tried to figure out a way to hug her with a plate in one hand and a cup of punch in the other, but couldn’t quite manage it. “What are they fighting about?”
“A man, of course.”
“He must be something special to get them stirred up like this,” I said.
Aunt Maggie joined in then, and said, “It’s Slim Grady, the guitar player who joined Roger’s band. He didn’t seem like that much of a much to me, but then I’ve never met any man worth fighting over.”
That attitude was probably why she was still single. The women in my family had always thought it was a shame because Aunt Maggie was a handsome woman, but I guess her penchant for wearing T-shirts with sayings like LEAVE ME ALONE! and I’VE GOT P.M.S. (PUTTING UP WITH MEN’S STUPIDITY) made her feelings on the subject of romance pretty clear.
“Not all men are bad,” Aunt Edna said with a little giggle. She had rekindled her romance with old flame Caleb Wilkins last Christmas, and judging from how happy she looked, things were going very well. I couldn’t have imagined her giggling a year ago.
“Most of them are,” Aunt Maggie insisted. “Look at Ilene. Barely out of diapers and she’s already making a fool of herself over that Honeywell boy.”
“Seventeen is a long way out of diapers,” I reminded Aunt Maggie, but couldn’t help asking, “How did she get hooked up with him?”
Aunt Edna shrugged. “She’s got it into her head that he can help her with a music career. As if he knew a bit more about the music business than I do. Ruby Lee isn’t doing Ilene any favors by letting her run around with somebody like him.”
I was about to ask for more details when Vasti raised her voice and said, “All right, ladies, go ahead and get settled down so Aunt Ruby Lee can open her presents.” She pulled a chair into the middle of the room. “Aunt Ruby Lee, you sit right here.”
As Aunt Ruby Lee obeyed, Vasti pulled out a complicated-looking camera and said, “Who wants to take pictures?”
“I will,” Sue said.
“Are you sure you know how to use it?” Vasti said doubtfully.
“Sure I’m sure,” Sue said. Vasti gave it to her, and Sue examined it and peered through the viewfinder. “Just aim and shoot, right?”
“I guess,” Vasti said. “Arthur just bought it for me this week, and I haven’t had a chance to practice with it. Try to do a good job. If the pictures come out right, Hank Parker said he’d run one in the paper.”
Sue said, “What’s the worst that could happen? Hank Parker can print a picture of my thumb.” Vasti looked appalled, and Sue picked that moment to snap a picture.
I shouldn’t have laughed, but Sue does have a knack for deflating Vasti. Lord knows that somebody has to once in awhile.
Anyway, Vasti heard me and said, “Laurie Anne, you’re done eating, aren’t you?”
I hadn’t realized that I was, but since Vasti took my plate away, apparently I was. She said, “You sit here and keep track of the bows.” She put a folding chair next to Aunt Ruby Lee’s. “Where’s Ilene?”
“Right here,” Ilene said without a bit of enthusiasm as she came down the stairs.
“Ilene, I want you to write down everything your mama says while she’s opening the presents,” Vasti said, thrusting a pad of paper and a ballpoint pen at her.
“What for?”
“Just do it,” Vasti said and went to supervise something else.
“It’s a shower game,” I explained to Ilene, hoping that her disposition had improved.
Ilene didn’t look amused, but this was probably her first bridal shower.
I said, “Would you rather I did it?” and she handed me the pen and paper. What Vasti had in mind was crude and embarrassing, but it was awfully funny. Besides, Aunt Ruby Lee had been the one to take down my remarks at my bridal shower, so I owed her one.
“You can keep up with the bows from the gifts,” I told Ilene.
“What for?” she asked again.
“To make a pretend bouquet for Aunt Ruby Lee to carry at the wedding rehearsal. For good luck.” Actually I wasn’t sure why this particular tradition was supposed to be carried out, but I figured that it had to be for good luck.
“I don’t know what they’re having a rehearsal for anyway,” Ilene muttered. “You’d think she could walk down the aisle blindfolded by now.”
I checked to make sure that Aunt Ruby Lee hadn’t heard, and fortunately she hadn’t. Bringing up Aunt Ruby Lee’s other marriages at her bridal shower was pretty tactless.
Vasti finally corralled and arranged everybody to her liking, and handed Aunt Ruby Lee the first package. I immediately got busy writing down what she said. Aunt Ruby Lee knew what I was up to, so she didn’t say too much as she opened the first couple of gifts, but it didn’t take long for her to forget about me. By the fourth gift, she was squealing and giggling and saying all kinds of potentially hilarious things.
I guess Vasti had decided on a lingerie shower because after her other marriages, Aunt Ruby Lee probably had all of the toasters and place mats that she needed. Nightgowns and such were something she could always use, and she did get some pretty things. She seemed to especially like the red satin robe I gave her, but then Aunt Ruby Lee has a way of making everybody think that she’s special.
The last and nicest gift was from Aunt Nora and Aunt Daphine. They had bought their sister the laciest, most delicate negligee I had ever seen. We all oooed and ahhhed over it, and I nearly forgot to write down what Aunt Ruby Lee said. We made her pass around the box so we could all take a closer look.
Aunt Maggie was the last one to look at it. “That’s right pretty,” she said. “But Ruby Lee, you need to get Carlelle to sew you some fur around the hem.”
“Fur? What on Earth for?” Vasti said.
“To keep her nose warm,” Aunt Maggie said innocently.
It took a couple of seconds for her meaning to sink in, and then the room exploded in giggles. The only one who didn’t laugh was Ilene. She just rolled her eyes and looked disgusted.
Despite Ilene’s reaction, I knew that this was a great time for me to do my part. Once the laughter subsided, I cleared my throat and announced, “I’m going to read you what Aunt Ruby Lee is going to say on her wedding night.” Now, Aunt Ruby Lee hadn’t made any untoward remarks, but there’s no way anybody can open presents without saying things that sound risqué, if read the right way.
“I didn’t say anything bad, did I?” Aunt Ruby Lee said, trying to remember.
I just grinned, and started reading out my notes, pausing between each to let the others react. “Isn’t that nice? I’ve always wanted one of those. Feel how soft it is. I hope it’s big enough. It’s stuck. Can you give me a hand?” All innocent remarks, unless you’re in a room filled with giggling women.
I read through them all, finally ending with what Aunt Ruby Lee had said when she got a look at the negligee. “My goodness, I’ve never seen anything so pretty in my entire life.” That brought the house down again. My mama had always told me that women’s sense of humor is much lower than men’s, but it wasn’t until my own bridal shower that I really believed her.